Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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