my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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