tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
