He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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