if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
