He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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