Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
