i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
