It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
