In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
