he wants to bone in the snuggie
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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