I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
