Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You can't special order awesome
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
