Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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