Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
