I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
