OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
