I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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