Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
