Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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