I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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