The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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