saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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