Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
