So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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