WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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