What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
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