I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
