im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
