Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
