it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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