Non-Jews are for practice
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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