he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
as a side note pls kill me
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
