Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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