And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
