I just pynch a tree in the face
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
