2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
