did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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