walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
do herpes really smell.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
