it wasn't lemon gatorade
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
