Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
