She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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