whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
