I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
