we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
