omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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