Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
