Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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