Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
