In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
